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MARRIAGE |
Wedding Style : Tibetian Marriage Type : In
Tibet, the marriages are of three types: (1) monogamy (2) `one husband
multi-wives' (3) `one wife multi-husbands'. The prevailing marriages are
monogamy with `multi-wives' and `multi-husbands' permissible. (1) Monogamy Most
families are patriarchal. The men usually make the important decisions,
buying and selling, paying tributes to the deities, horse racing, hunting
etc. The women are the mainstay of family life. They are busy from morning
till night, milking cows, making tea, roasting and grinding barley, making
butter and curd, making clothes and looking after children. The ten years
or older kids shepherd, gather yak-dung (as fuel for cooking and heating),
fetch water. (2) Multi-wives Many
mammals (as against birds) have `one male-many females' reproduction system.
It is the male's strategy to have as many female companions as possible.
As we know, many culture rules are rooted in the gene. It is a norm in
the modern society to have sequential wives and husbands. In many ancient
societies, the multi-wives family is recognized. Most Tibetan kings have
several wives. Moreover, the number of monks in Tibet in 1949 is about
110,000 in a population of 1,000,000, in other words, 11 % of the total
population (with the same proportionality, U.S.A. would have 27 million
monks), and 35 % among the males in the marriageable ages. There is a
shortage of available males. In many sparsely populated area, it is hard
to find a suitable spouse. The peculiar points of Tibetan multi-wives
families are: (a) marriage with step-mother, uncle's widow and widowed
sister-in-law (b) marriage with wifes' sisters (c) marriage with step-daughters.
(a)
The marriages with step-mother, uncle's widow and widowed sister-in-law
are largely social responsibilities to take care of the hapless widows,
although it does happen when the father is still alive. (b)
The prevailing form of multi-wives marriage is the marriage with wife's
sisters. This form of marriage may happen if the husband is married into
the wife's family and her younger sisters grow up and wish to stay. Then
the husband will cohabit with the younger sisters of his wife. (c)
This form is similar to the the above. A man marries with a widow with
young daughters. When the step-daughters grow up, the man has the right
to cohabit with them. (3) Multi-husbands To
maintain a household and avoid the dividing of property, sometimes a younger
son is sent to the monastery to be a monk, similar to the European custom
of giving the younger sons titles of knight without property. For this
purpose, after the elder brother marries a girl, and the younger brothers
grow up, the wife is shared. Usually, it is considered to be a good indication
of the harmony of the brotherhood for them to marry with a single woman.
The offsprings of the wife will be considered as the offsprings of the
head husband. Occasionally, the father will join the husband group. Sometimes,
the husbands may not be blood-related, while economically related. Usually,
the wife will have her own bed room, and a sign will be posted outside.
II: Marriage Procedure (1) Full-Grown Ceremony When
the girl is 15 or 16 years old, she is initiated to the adulthood by a
ceremony. The date is selected to be a lucky day according to the Tibetan
calendar. Her hair will be plaited from a single braid to many braids
and she will start wearing colourful apron. From then on she is considered
to be full grown and allowed to have male friends. Romance
All
public gatherings, religious festivals, horse racings, are good occasions
for boys to meet girls. After worshiping the Buddhas, youngsters gather
together to dance and sing. Sometimes, the agreed couples will call friends
to have a singing competition around bonfires in the moon light. The
boys and girls routinely date each other, either in one's place or going
out all night. At the grassland, the girl may wait for the boy outside
the tent while guarding the sheep in the deep night, the boy will bring
a piece of meat to silence the dogs, and then they have all the time to
themselves. Engagement
It
is similar to Han's custom. After a romance, the couple may simply ask
their parents for permissions to engage, and to marry. The permissions
are granted routinely. Then the boy will ask an old gentleman to propose
the marriage to the girl's parents. It is usually the couple who selects
to join one of the two families or to set up their own household. Or
the parents may arrange the marriage. In this case, the parents will ask
an old gentleman to go to the girl's family with a hada and a bottle of
barley beer to propose. After the marriage broker enters the house of
the girl's family, and presents the hada and the bottle of barley beer,
the females will withdraw. The father will either decline the proposal,
if the girl is unwilling, or mentions: "According to our tradition,
only the maternal uncle of the girl has the right to make this decision."
Then the marriage broker will stay overnight to meet the maternal uncle
of the girl. The next day, after the marriage broker pleads with the uncle,
and if he nods, then the father will open the bottle of barley beer for
the uncle, the couple is then considered to be engaged. The boy's family
will present suitable gifts to the uncle and the girl's family. Wedding
The
couple may join either family. The following is a procedure for the girl
to marry into the boy's family. If the boy marries to the girl's family,
the procedure is identical with the switching of bride and groom. On
the wedding day the groom's house (or tent) will have been refurbished,
the bowls painted with eight auspicious emblems ready for use, and a square
carpet of white wool laid to welcome guests. The day before, the maternal
uncle of the groom goes to to bride's house (or tent) taking along as
gifts a white horse for the bride to ride on, a bridal gown of white woolen
fabric as well as a tea-brick and a large chunk of butter. Two girls from
the bride's side will greet the groom's uncle: "Respectful Uncle,
please drink the three bowls of delicious beer from us" and so on.
The uncle answers and drinks the beer without dismounting the horse, then
proceeds to bride's house (or tent). He opens the door with a hada (ceremonial
scarf). After presenting the hada to her parents, he chants a blessing
to every object inside, stove, chairs etc. The
next day, the bride puts on the bridal gown and rides the white horse
to groom's house (or tent) in the company of her uncle and his uncle.
His uncle rides ahead to announce the arrival of the bride. Two girls
from the side of the groom will offer her uncle barley beer and sing in
antiphony with him. In the meantime, the bride will dismount in front
of the house (or tent), and step exactly in the middle of the white mat
where there is a emblem formed from grains of barley. When the bride's
uncle and the two girls have sung long enough, the groom's family will
ask him to dismount and come in. Likewise,
the bride's uncle open the door with a hada. Once inside, they exchange
hadas and chant blessings. Then the groom's uncle formally open the wedding.
The
groom and the bride will kneel down in front of the parents of the groom
and the picture of Buddha while the monks chant. Then the bride will use
her ring finger to flip milk-tea three times to salute the heaven, earth,
Buddha. After these, the bride will serve milk-tea to the parents of the
groom. The
wedding feast will then start. A master of ceremony, `nianbo', will manage
the banquet which is interrupted by many presentations of hadas, blessings
and gifts. Sometimes the groom and the bride are nearly buried beneath
the large number of hadas tied around their necks. (1)
Incest In
Tibet, cases of incest, which is strictly defined by blood-relation only,
and which has nothing to do with marriage-relation, are very rare. If
in doubt, an investigation of `checking the bone' will be launched. Sometimes,
it is checked up to 12 lineages. Sometimes, only the male lineage is checked,
and nothing about mother-sides. In someplaces, the `(maternal) aunt-nephew'
marriage is idealized. The penalties for the wrong-doers used to be very
severe. When a person is found guilty of incest, he or she is wrapped
in a raw hide sprinkled with salt and then thrown into a river. (2)
Child Support It is strictly prohibited to make romantical adventure towards an underage girl. It is not uncommon to have children out of wedlock. Child-supports are required. However, the child-support is very little, moreover, in the grassland, sometimes the children are sired by nameless travelers at those one night stands, and the fathers are nowhere to be found. In most places, `illegitimate child' will not be discriminated against and follows the mother to her marriage, and in some places, the child will be called `dirty kid' and be looked down upon. (3)
Divorce and remarriage There
are some sex freedom after the wedding, and marriage sometimes breaks
down. Divorce is not uncommon, and remarriage is not discriminated against
after divorce. |