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Bengal, the word evokes the mellifluous strains of Rabindranath Tagore's poetry, the resounding cries of the nationalistic movement at fever pitch, the sweetness of the mangoes at Sunderbans and the sensuality of the Bengali women with doe like eyes. So imagine how rich in culture might the wedding rituals be of such a place.

Indeed Bengali weddings are a time of great rejoicing and celebration, and yet retain a certain sombreness and intellectual dignity so inherent to the culture. A Bengali wedding has none of the hedonistic celebrations associated with weddings in North India, neither is it a quiet affair. It is indeed the mingling of two minds in perfect harmony.

Yet if you thought Bengali weddings are colourless affairs, you could not be more wrong. They are marked by a certain joi de vivre and yes, the bride is certainly the most pampered person in the entire proceeding. The community is marked by it's surprising lack of materialism and preference for education and refinement. Thus even weddings retain their simplicity and genuine goodwill without giving in to needless ostentation.

Unlike some other communities, distributing sweets or any such items to relatives does not mark Bengali weddings. Families personally deliver invitation cards.

Pre-Wedding customs:

The Aashirwad ceremony marks the beginning of the festivities. Literally translated it means 'Blessings,' and in it the bride to be, is blessed by the elders of the boy's family. On festive occasions Bengalis like to go the whole way, and prefer to serve a meal rather than snacks.

Gayeholud, is the next ritual to follow. This is a ceremony when the ladies of the groom's family come and anoint the bride to be in turmeric and mustard oil. This is also followed by Totto either on the same day, or nearer to the date of the wedding. Totto is basically gifts for the bride. A whole raw fish is sent for the bride along with other choice sweets. Apart from this, a special fish shaped Sandesh is also sent. In fact nowadays, Bengali confectioners make this special Sandesh fish on order. The bride is also sent holy turmeric, which the groom has used, for bathing with, beautifully wrapped sari's and even pumpkins and other vegetables hollowed out into a boat shape. Thus both bride and groom are ritually joined together, as they use turmeric from the same pot, on the eve of the wedding.

During the wedding:
The marriage feast of course is the most joyous, as people collect in their traditional finery. The young couple must fast the whole day, and live on sherbet rather than anything else till the rites are completed. In Bengali weddings, the mother of the groom does not come, as she must stay home and prepare the house for the bride. The marriage takes place among much teasing and banter, and the bride is brought to the wedding hut, sitting on a stool carried by her brothers. So charged up is the atmosphere that when the couple garland each other, the ladies present their goodwill as part of the wedding ritual.

'Shubhodrishti': This is when the couple is allowed to sneak one peak at each other, from under a sheet, away from the peering eyes of the world. Of course, it had a lot of relevance earlier on, though nowadays it may not always take place.

Wedding Feast:The wedding feast is a lavish affair, and of course, the more varieties of fish you serve, the better it looks. Dry fruits are often included in rice dishes. Earlier meals were served on leaves and people would sit on the ground to eat, while family members served them. Today however caterers have taken over, and the choicest fish dish and mutton dishes find their way on the table. A special dish is made for the groom, Bengal gram Dal, cooked with shredded coconut, and the head of a fish! This is a speciality meant for him only, mainly to recover his strength from all that fasting. Accompaniments are always a mix of sweet and sour. The boy then spends the night after the marriage in the bride's home (though not with her!), and it is followed by the vidai in the morning.

After Wedding :Perhaps as sweet and wholesome as the cuisine itself, is the ritual of acceptance by the groom and his family of the bride after she comes to her new home. The bride enters the house, first steeping on an ornate stool, which will be her's for life, then she dips her feet in alta (red colour) and milk. She is then presented with the traditional red and white ivory bangles, which are symbols of a married woman, along with a metal bangle called, 'loha', which she must wear for the rest of her life. As always food plays a small but important role here.

Bahubhaat : The groom gives his bride a plate laden with sweets and a sari, to signify that he will provide her with whatever she needs for the rest of their lives, and then the bride makes a rice dish to serve the entire family, which means that she has finally been accepted into the fold. Bengali weddings, are rich and varied like their culture, and the hint of warmth permeates all their wedding ceremonies.

Wedding Style : Bengali